Esther Perel begins today’s talk with an intriguing question: “Why does good sex so often fade even for couples who continue to love each other as much as ever?” It’s a question that’s highly appropriate to think about on Valentine’s Day.
Esther Perel: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship
Perel, the author of the book Mating in Captivity, offers a compelling theory for why desire is so hard to maintain in long-term relationships: on the one hand, a relationship must satisfy our deep-seated need for security, dependability and permanence while at the same time meeting our equally strong need for adventure, mystery and the unexpected. It’s a paradox so many couples feel: that great intimacy does not necessarily make for great sex.

For a fascinating look at why we’re experiencing this “crisis of desire” (hint: it’s the first time in history when we’ve expected marriage to be about passion) and how we can boost out erotic intelligence within the space of a great relationship, watch this talk. And below, more great TED Talks in the areas of love, passion and sex.

• Helen Fisher: The brain in love
• Mary Roach: 10 things you didn’t know about orgasm
• Hannah Brencher: Love letters to strangers
• Helen Fisher: Why we love, why we cheat
• Jenna McCarthy: What you don’t know about marriage
• Thomas Dolby: “Love Is a Loaded Pistol”
• Isabel Allende: Tales of passion